The WEDLOCK Project
Part Two: PDA (Public Displays of Acceptance)

The Two Month Mark

It’s TT here. As the non-blogger in the house this is coming as a little strange, but with the end of the first part of the Project happening this weekend (the last day of viewing for the ENGAGEMENT is Friday 10/23) and Part II – PDAs starting in just about a month, it seemed like time to update the blog on the site. I also realized as we are getting ready for our the ENGAGEMENT Artist Talk tonight that as of yesterday, October 19th, 2009, we have been married for exactly two months.

The day to day seems to have remained the same. Michael is busy writing and working, I have my own work and two EFFECTUS events have transpired, not to mention that we keep plugging away with The WEDLOCK Project and expanding in our own creative realms. The garden still needs tending, the cats need feeding, laundry done etc. Not much has changed at all after 9+ years of being together and loving one another, right?

The truth of the matter is that a lot has changed… for the better. In 2004 when we gained the right to be married in Massachusetts, I was one of those gay men who thought, “That’s great if that is what you want, and it does help in the fight for equality, but it’s not for me.” Five years later, after a lot of discussion and an actual marriage to my partner and here I am. I, who never thought he would get married, who at one time thought that marriage was an affront to my “radical queer identity” – I am married. For better or for worse, I have come to believe that this fight for marriage equality is a tool in the arsenal of my “radical queer identity.”

And whether I want to admit it or not – I feel different – I feel different when I am talking to someone about my “husband” and not my “partner” (a word I always had trouble with). I feel different when we are walking down the street or riding the subway or grocery shopping and I am inclined to grab Michael’s hand or give him a peck on the cheek. I feel different in a lot of circumstances. Most of the time that different feeling is a feeling of empowerment.

How about that.. ? It is like coming out all over again. I am inclined to want to make it a point that I am married, and that it took a long time for me to be okay with that and now I want to be like other married people (and still be queer). Though this is happening through the Project in a very unconventional way, I still maintain my own personal feeling that I have grown from the experience.

At least in Massachusetts and the handful of other states where our marriage is recognized I feel that way. I don’t know what it will be like if I go back to Ohio or Pennsylvania to visit my family. I don’t know what it will be like to travel to anywhere in the South or the Midwest. After reading about Louisiana Justice Keith Bardwell‘s refusal to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple, I realized that there is a long row to hoe for all of us when it comes to acceptance and inclusion in this country, but – I do think that wherever I go, from now on I will carry around a self-confidence about my relationship that I didn’t always have.

We’ll see…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm and is filed under blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can trackback from your own site.